What they did?" she finally asked."This war is very hard for everyone."She knows he is a Rasputin in more ways than merely his indestructibility. She listens to her husband breathe through the night, the husband who, after he absently comforts or caresses her, always lets his eyes travel to her stomach and then stops touching her, and she remembers those soft hands. She hadn't wanted pleasure, hadn't wanted to love him. She would be his obedient slave, or his whore, nothing more, except that he had this way about him. Night is the worst time for these thoughts as much as for the others, because she has no activities to distract her. She does masturbate sometimes, in the bathroom, or rocking before the heater in the middle of the night, but it doesn't satisfy her. She thinks if one of the Americans pursued her she would let him have her, even though it might cost her job.Grigori, my love, my demon, who first used me, then deserted me.He began that first night. When they were both. Every day was the same as the one previous, one without hope of escape orrelease. They'd been sadistic enough to bind her in front of a mirror, so thatshe would be confronted by herself every waking moment. She can't rememberhow long she's stared at herself, taking in her image, it's not as though she'smuch choice. The rest of the room, from what she can see, is the most sterileroom she's ever seen. Absolutely no decorations or even imperfections ruinedits sterile whiteness. She takes in her image for the thousandth time, starting at her feet, so thatshe can put off the awful moment for just a bit longer. Her feet are in blackpatent leather pumps, which she's convinced have at least six inch heels. Shecan vaguely remember the ache in her calves as they had to adjust to the strainher standing in shoes that were way too high for her. When she still had achoice she stayed with flats, as her six foot height was more than enough toturn heads, she didn't need to draw any further attention.
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